For some people, the word conflict is like a red flag.
They try to avoid it by all means, to maintain the harmony and ignore or mask any uncomfortable feelings.
It can stem from a fear of being judged, excluded, or simply feeling helpless with the situation.
What, if you could see conflict or confrontation not as something negative,
but as a chance to connect actually deeper?
***
In the following chapter you’ll get tools and practical ways to handle conflict, rather than avoid it.
Very important:
You can’t change the other.
What you can change is how you respond to the other.
Here are some guidelines:
Speak from your own perspective—no accusations.
For example, instead of saying, “You have to…,” or “You should…,”
say, “It is important to me that…”
Listen without interrupting. Even if what you hear is completely different from your own opinion, try to listen with an open heart. ❤️
If necessary, ask questions and allow space for answers.
If this isn’t possible, or if either of you falls back into old patterns—stop the conversation.
Take space.
Come back on it.
***
Here are the things that can drive someone up the wall, cause breathlessness, stomach pains, and sadness when they happen:
Interrupting while someone is speaking.
Accusations “You are negative” without trying to understand or asking where that perception might come from.
Giving unsolicited advice “You should…”.
Generalizing “You always…”.
Not respecting when someone clearly says “Stop!”—and continuing with the point until things escalate or one has no choice but to walk away.
Impatience and shutting things down when something doesn’t align with what you want to hear “That doesn’t interest me.”, but then talking at length about something that doesn’t interest the other person just minutes later.
Rarely asking real questions—meaning, questions where there is an openness to truly hearing the answer.
What this does to the other person:
They feel dismissed.
They feel unheard and unseen.
They feel patronized.
They feel disrespected.
This may seem “over the top” or “exaggerated,” but each of these behaviors is a micro-aggression. Over time, they build up and make it impossible for someone to stay calm and collected.
How someone might respond to maintain their peace of mind:
Becoming silent and stopping communication (shutting down). FREEZE
Counterattacking—doesn’t help and only makes things worse as it mirrors the very behavior that is frustrating. FIGHT
Becoming cynical—another form of self-defense. FIGHT
Leaving because it’s no longer bearable. FLIGHT
***
How to deal with it?
What else to do?
Trying to stay in dialogue and addressing the issues so that things can change. Seeing the perspective of the other.
“I’d like to hear how you experience it.”
***
What to do when triggered – Tools
In the moment, with others:
Physical / emotional
Breathe
Shift position
Take time out
Go away – and…say you will be coming back.
Sensory awareness
Let your Eyes wander and feel your body
Verbally
Change the subject
Ask a question
Declare your limits
Crack a joke / beware of sarcasm!
Change the tone of voice
***
Building Mutual Understanding
If something is unclear, take the time to ask rather than assume.
Example:
Instead of “You never explained this to me!”
Say: “Could you help me understand this better?”
– or do some research before jumping to conclusions.
***
When we practice patience, kindness, and open communication,
conflicts can bring us closer rather than push us apart.
And yes: it takes practice, patience and the willingness to sometimes feel helpless or like a fool. That is part of the plot.
Disagreements are a part of life, but how we handle them makes all the difference. Choosing respect and empathy will lead to deeper connections and stronger relationships.
Be compassionate with yourself: habits and conditioning that have built up over years are not easy to change.
Noticing what’s going on is already a big step!
And making tiny changes will compound to bigger shifts.
***
READY TO DIVE IN?
***
Below in the PDF you’ll find the YUMMY CONFLICT GUIDE:
Practical tools to make this a lived experience.
Choosing connection over staying stuck.
CONFLICT AS A CHANCE FOR GROWTH
For some people, the word conflict is like a red flag.
They try to avoid it by all means, to maintain the harmony and ignore or mask any uncomfortable feelings.
It can stem from a fear of being judged, excluded, or simply feeling helpless with the situation.
What, if you could see conflict or confrontation not as something negative,
but as a chance to connect actually deeper?
***
In the following chapter you’ll get tools and practical ways to handle conflict, rather than avoid it.
Very important:
You can’t change the other.
What you can change is how you respond to the other.
Here are some guidelines:
For example, instead of saying, “You have to…,” or “You should…,”
say, “It is important to me that…”
If this isn’t possible, or if either of you falls back into old patterns—stop the conversation.
Take space.
Come back on it.
***
Here are the things that can drive someone up the wall, cause breathlessness, stomach pains, and sadness when they happen:
What this does to the other person:
This may seem “over the top” or “exaggerated,” but each of these behaviors is a micro-aggression. Over time, they build up and make it impossible for someone to stay calm and collected.
How someone might respond to maintain their peace of mind:
***
How to deal with it?
What else to do?
Trying to stay in dialogue and addressing the issues so that things can change. Seeing the perspective of the other.
“I’d like to hear how you experience it.”
***
What to do when triggered – Tools
In the moment, with others:
Physical / emotional
Verbally
***
Building Mutual Understanding
If something is unclear, take the time to ask rather than assume.
Example:
Instead of “You never explained this to me!”
Say: “Could you help me understand this better?”
– or do some research before jumping to conclusions.
***
When we practice patience, kindness, and open communication,
conflicts can bring us closer rather than push us apart.
And yes: it takes practice, patience and the willingness to sometimes feel helpless or like a fool. That is part of the plot.
Disagreements are a part of life, but how we handle them makes all the difference. Choosing respect and empathy will lead to deeper connections and stronger relationships.
Be compassionate with yourself: habits and conditioning that have built up over years are not easy to change.
Noticing what’s going on is already a big step!
And making tiny changes will compound to bigger shifts.
***
READY TO DIVE IN?
***
Below in the PDF you’ll find the YUMMY CONFLICT GUIDE:
Practical tools to make this a lived experience.
Choosing connection over staying stuck.
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